Medical Weblog

Avoid all fried foods as they soak up quantities of fat. If your family insist on a once-a-week fry-up either do not eat it or insist the food is fried only in a small amount of vegetable oil — never dripping or meat fats.

Unless your taste buds rebel switch to margarine, or low-cholesterol spreads instead of butter which is high in cholesterol. If you must eat butter do so only in moderation.

Say No to cream.

Cut down on cheese as it is rich in animal fat. Go easy on milk. Eat no more than three eggs a week.

Use only a little salt especially if already you have high blood pressure problems. Beware of the high salt content in most convenience foods, tinned or frozen.

Cut out sugar. This means sweets, cakes, biscuits, chocolate, ice cream (which is also high in fats) and colas and soft drinks. If you crave sweetness eat fruit.

Apart from the items listed in the rules above you can eat anything you like but when it comes to bread, pasta, rice and potatoes eat them only in moderation as they are high in carbohydrates, therefore fattening.

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Consider too that it has been established the more sexually imaginative a couple are, the more frequently they will enjoy sex, the more pleasure both will derive and, in fact, during the menopause it is vital to reconsider your ideas on sexual demands and responses, on what you should or should not do, on who does what to whom and when. Consensus of opinion today promotes the theory that applies as much to the jaded as to the temporarily impotent: anything goes as long as no one is hurt. (This definition perhaps should be revised for sado-masochistic circles.)

By forty every man should be aware of the sexual variations and alternatives available to him and his partners. So the true meaning of loosening up may be: experiment. Be less inhibited about oral sex, masturbation and fantasy pleasures. Enjoy what you are doing or having done to you.

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Many, heterosexual or homosexual, can never have enough sex whatever their age. They are insatiable and enjoy variety. It flatters the ego, feeds their innate sense of masculinity and makes them feel good. Around forty this lust is hardly diminished. A man may take a little bit longer to come to orgasm than he did at twenty and perhaps his ejaculation is a little less powerful but his desire remains as strong as ever. In fact taking a little longer time during sex may make him a better lover: his orgasm is likely to be more intense and his partner will

probably appreciate the longer lasting erection.

By forty a man will also have developed his own specific tastes as a prelude and as stimulation for sexual pleasure. Some enjoy a romantic candle-lit dinner to set the scene, others prefer to snatch their pleasures illicitly in the heat of a summer’s afternoon after a good lunch. Many indulge in fantasy, playing out roles or dressing up and using toys, bondage and other devices. For others part of the pleasure is paying for it, buying sex and a few can only enjoy frenzied sex treating their partner roughly as they take their pleasure fast, selfishly, like a man possessed. To each his own. As a London therapist says:

‘As long as it is pleasure and no one gets hurt anything goes and is good for you.’

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Tied in with the belligerence borne of frustration, a man can goad his family or even his friends into a sniping war by his ill-temper. Children against parents, each individual against the other. Wives are alienated, grandparents shaken, best friends upset; marriages break and lovers are lost all because inner frustration is driving the man into irrational, fighting mood. Words sting.

Irreparable damage can be done. Apologies are hard to come by and insufficient.

Now what? Essentially a part of his fears of failure, he sees a need to question every motive and every move. No part of his life feels like a success no matter how family or friends try to prove that it is. He wants to achieve more but he does not know what it is he wants. When he makes a decision he is always plagued with the doubts: is it worth it? and why should I bother?

As he doubts himself he questions his worth. He can be very gloomy to be with.

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‘If you see a man with his genitalia laid out exhibitionistically down the front of one of his trouser legs you know he has menopausal problems.’

fact: Perhaps. Few M-M men exhibit themselves this way or think of doing so. This predilection is usually seen as a sign of aging with incidence higher among gay men than heterosexual. Many therapists in the United States believe that when a man of forty-plus starts dressing this way it is simply because he is worried about his declining sexual appeal and so believes by showing his prowess and availability all will be cured.

Perhaps the most important foundation to these myths comes from woman’s knowledge of meo. Looking around her circle and talking among wives it would seem that around their early forties men seek less sex with their regular partners and, if they are still able to perform fully in bed, then they are likely as not to go off the rails entirely chasing younger beauties, especially starlets, secretaries and air stewardesses. Many women see the male-menopause as either giving a man rampant sexual urges or stopping them altogether. On the whole they take more comfort from the latter.

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