YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEXUALITY FROM ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE: THE ASSUMPTIONS REGARDING HUMAN SEXUALITY
Here are fourteen of the assumptions regarding human sexuality. In each case, I have altered the assumption from the fourth perspective to illustrate this orientation to sexuality.
1. Intercourse is the ultimate sexual act between a man and woman,
and intercourse means insertion of the penis into the vagina.
Anything less than penetration is not really intercourse.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Intercourse with the penis inside the vagina is not the ultimate intimate sexual act, but one option among many intimate choices. When it becomes the ultimate act, we miss opportunities for forms of intimacy that involve equally intense pleasure and sharing and we become goal-directed and one-dimensional in our sexuality.
2. Men are the “inserters” and women are “receivers” in sexual
intercourse.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: A more productive orientation to sexual intercourse and all sexual interaction is one of “merging” rather than “penetration,” of doing with and together rather than to or for.
3. Genital contractions are orgasm.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: Genital contractions following sexual stimulation are pleasurable reflexes. The total experience of physical, emotional, and cognitive merging with someone we love is called a’ ‘psychasm,” and may or may not be accompanied by genital or pelvic contractions.
4. Orgasm is the measure of sexual fulfillment.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: The number of orgasms is related to the number of neuromuscular responses to genital stimulation. Sexual fulfillment is a more complex interpersonal process involving all levels of human responsiveness.
5. Women have more trouble having orgasm than men.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: There is no evidence that pelvic reflex is related to gender, but expectations can influence physiological responsiveness.
6. Women respond sexually more slowly than do men.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: “Speed” and “time” are not the key variables in sexual response, and mental, emotional, and cognitive factors are person-, not gender-, related.
7. Men have a refractory period and a period during which they
must rest before continuing. Women can go on forever.
FOURTH PERSPECTIVE: All neurological responses are followed by some period of refraction or rest. Gender is not predictive of the length of this rest period.
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